Kimi's Christmas List
by Becky Quiddle
Summary: Kimi wants a bunch of Muggle actors for Christmas and Becky will give them to her, one way or another. This won't end well...
1. The receiving of the list

"STORY, STORY, STORY!!" shouted the mob of excited children as an old lady librarian walked up with a book.  
  
"Settle down, children" said the woman as she sat down on a stool in front of them. "Today's story is called Kimi's Christmas List."  
  
"Aww." said one child, "Can we burn it????"  
  
"No. Now listen."  
  
In the beginning of September Becky received a letter sent by Horus, her best friend's owl, containing her Christmas List. Becky thought it was a bit early but she looked it over anyway.  
  
Legolas Greenleaf  
  
Shane West  
  
Ewan McGregor  
  
Seth Green  
  
Pointy ears  
  
Pierce Brosman  
  
A hobbit (complete with Hobbit hole)  
  
Rufus  
  
Becky realized most of these were muggles and muggle things and Becky, being a half blood and knowing these, was confused because Kimi was a pure blooded witch and most likely wouldn't know this stuff.  
  
"Fine then. What Kimi wants, Kimi gets." she gave a little snicker and rushed off to do her evil deeds.  
  
(THUS THE STORY BEGINS!) 


	2. 1 down, a lot to go!

After sneaking past the security she approached a large trailer.  
  
"This must be it." she said, reading the label on the door. She peeked her head in the door.  
  
"Oh Shannon West, where art thou?" she called and when she got no answer she walked on in.  
  
Meanwhile Kimi was at Hogwarts wondering why on earth Becky would tell Dumbledore she had to do very important business elsewhere and would have to leave Hogwarts for a few days or weeks.  
  
"I'm not playing Shannon. Get in the box,"  
  
"I'll get in if you stop calling me Shannon. Where did you hear about that anyway?"  
  
"Internet, now get in, SHANE!"  
  
Becky slipped passed security with great ease. Who would suspect a child in witch robes dragging an unusually large box, big enough for, hmm, a male actor to fit in, out the lot. 


	3. Legolas's fear of muffins

Kimi was starting to crack from no one to talk to in class and every letter she got from Becky said she was getting her a surprise.  
  
Becky was walking slowly through a forest, looking around for any sign of movement.  
  
"Legolas! Get out here or your going in the arena!" The arena was a theory of Becky's that the faculty of every school was forcing rabid muffins to fight in an arena and selling tickets to it (which was illegal to Becky) and when kids were bad they placed them in the arena and the rabid muffins would feast on their organs. Legolas came running out of the woods and up to Becky as fast as he could. He feared the arena.  
  
Kimi loved surprises but if this gift would require her getting off school to get she figured this was some surprise.  
  
"Get in the box Legolas!" shouted Becky.  
  
"I'm not getting in that box! It wreaks of bologna!" Legolas shouted back.  
  
"MUFFINS!" Becky shouted. Legolas gave a little fearful squeal and jumped into the box for Becky to drag him away. 


	4. Hairy feet and Hobbit Holes

While in Middle-Earth, Becky decided to pick up the other thing on Kimi's list, A hobbit (complete with hobbit hole).  
  
Becky knocked on the round door on a small hill and waited. A tiny, hairy footed, pointy eared hobbit popped out the door and looked up.  
  
"Excuse me. Is this the home of Pippin?"  
  
"Uh. Yes it is." said the little hobbit. Becky smiled.  
  
"Alright, bring in the crane!" said Becky and a huge crane rolled on in and started to dig up the hill containing the hobbit hole.  
  
"What are you doing???" shouted the hobbit over the noise.  
  
"My friend wants a hobbit with a hobbit hole for Christmas. I chose yours. Feel special."  
  
"But I don't want you to take my house, or me!"  
  
"I'll give you a sausage!" The Hobbit thought about this.  
  
"Alright!" 


	5. Pointy Ears

"Hmm." said Becky as she gazed at the list, "I need pointy ears." she bent down and knocked on the large box.  
  
"Legolas! You know where I can get some pointy ears?"  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"  
  
"Not yours! I have strict orders not to take yours." a whimper is heard in the box, "Or Pippens!" and with the last comment the whimper stopped.  
  
Suddenly as Becky looked up again she saw a large mob of children and an old librarian walking through the woods with torches and pitch forks.  
  
"Come on children, we have to help her get the ears or this story will never end and I don't get to go home from you little brats. Anyone see an elf?" said the librarian.  
  
"There's one!" shouted a small child!" the child was pointing to none other than Patwin, the evil elf of insecurity. He was small and rocking in a fetal position.  
  
"GET HIM!" shouted another child and the mob of children raced after the elf who, in fear, covered his head and shivered. The wave of children washed over him and shrieks of pain were heard until finally the mob turned back to the old woman.  
  
"I got them!" said one child.  
  
"Does she need a nose too?" asked another.  
  
"Or a leg?"  
  
"Or an eye?"  
  
"No, no, just the ears. Leave those and any other body parts you all ripped off there," said the woman and the child with the ears chunked the ears at Becky's feet and they all disappeared into the bushes again.  
  
"Hey! Ears! How Convenient " said Becky as she placed them in the box and scratched it off the list. 


	6. NACHOS!

Kimi was found staring at a wall in her common room all day from boredom of no Becky to tag around with her and cause trouble with. She sent another message asking when she will be back and received one saying she was almost done. Almost done. With what?  
  
Walking out of Middle-Earth Becky saw Kim Possible and her side-kick Ron Stoppable saving a man from a rabid squirrel. Well, Kim was saving him. Ron was cowering in the corner from his fear of squirrels (from his terrifying days at Camp Wannaweep). Becky was overjoyed. Where there was Ron, there had to be Rufus.  
  
"Hey Ron!" said Becky, casually walking up to Ron, making sure Kim was looking.  
  
"Uh. Hey. Who are you?" he asked.  
  
"Nevermind. LOOK! OVER THERE!" said Becky pointing to nothing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"A particle of dust caught in the wind!"  
  
"Oooo!!" Ron quickly turned around and looked for the dust, "I don't see it."  
  
"Keep looking. It's there!" Becky reached into Ron pocket and pulled out Rufus, the naked mole rat.  
  
"Hey Rufus, wanna come with nice, sweet, Becky?" when Rufus refused Becky got desperate, "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't see. it." Ron turned around to find that Becky was gone and he reached in his pocket to ask Rufus where she went only to find a cardboard cut out of the naked mole rat, "RUFUS!"  
  
Meanwhile Rufus was happily munching on nachos with extra cheese. Shane West's muffled voice is heard from the box.  
  
"How come we don't get Nachos?"  
  
"Shut up and eat your gruel!" shouted Becky.  
  
"I like Gruel" said a voice from in the box.  
  
"Shut up, Pippen!" shouted Legolas. Becky sat sipping on her apple juice as she watched TV, then, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, she saw Seth Green was filming a new movie. 


	7. No nachos for Seth

Becky walked through the TV studio where no one really questioned her presents for some reason. She asked for directions and suddenly found her way on the set at Dr. Evil's Secret Volcano Layer from Austin Powers: The spy who shagged me. In the middle of filming Becky walked on in, grabbed Seth's (or Scott Evil's) arm and dragged him off as the rest of the cast stared confusedly until he was out of sight then continued to film.  
  
"What. Why did you do that?? We were filming! Who are you?"  
  
"Your new agent, now get in the box!" Seth gazed into the box.  
  
"Isn't that Legolas. and Shane West. and Rufus. and a pair or pointy ears. and a hobbit complete with hobbit hole?"  
  
"Yes, now get in the box."  
  
"How come Rufus gets nachos?"  
  
"Shut up and get in."  
  
"Fine, you don't have to be so rude!" and as Seth joined the others in the box Becky scratched him off the list. 


	8. May the force be with you!

The door of 007's secret base suddenly opened and Becky stepped in.  
  
"Wha. How did you get in here? How did you know about my base? WHO SENT YOU??"  
  
"Cut the crap, Brosman. I have come to place you in a little box with several other actors, a naked mole rat, and a pair of pointy ears where I will bring you to a rat infested shed in my back yard and keep you until December when I will give you to a Hogwarts student named Kimi. That alright with you?"  
  
"Cool." said Pierce and he followed Becky outside to the box.  
  
"Hey." said Becky as she snuck up behind Ewan McGregor in his full Jedi outfit and his light sabor.  
  
"What are you." but before he could finish Becky cut him off.  
  
"I have come for you." Becky said, her voice deep and echoy like Darth's and she breathed heavily like him several times. She lit up her light sabor (for which she stole).  
  
"Then I shall have to kill you!" he lit his light sabor as well and went into a battle pose.  
  
"I would battle you but I hate to see grown men cry."  
  
"You wish!"  
  
"HAVE AT YOU!" shouted Becky as they ran at each other and went into a big jedi duel in which ended with Ewan being stuffed in a box.  
  
"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, FREAK!" 


	9. GRUEL!

Becky returned home where she opened to box and placed them all in their own separate boxes that were quite small for them (all but Rufus, she got Becky's room).  
  
"Uh. Little girl, this is rather uncomfortable."  
  
"I gave you air holes, what more do you want?"  
  
"Gruel!" shouted Pippen.  
  
"SHUT UP PIPPEN!" shouted Legolas from half way across the room.  
  
"More room, perhaps?" continued Ewan.  
  
"You whiny Jedi are all the same!" shouted Becky.  
  
Becky finally returned to Hogwarts leaving a note to her sister to slip food through the small holes in the several boxes in the shed, and if they talk, ignore them.  
  
December Finally came and Becky returned to her little shed in the back yard where she found them still waiting, cold, tired, and rat bitten.  
  
"Little girl." said a weak voice from one box as she began wrapping it in Christmas wrapping paper and bows.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"While you were gone, a rat bit me. I think I have rabies."  
  
"Nice try Ewan, you are not getting out of here."  
  
"Crap."  
  
"Can I have some more gruel?"  
  
"PIPPEN! IF I EVER GET OUT OF THIS BOX I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH AN ARROW AND LAUGH WHILE YOU DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!"  
  
"Now, now, boys, get along." Said Becky calmly.  
  
"Well at least I have my hobbit hole with me! WORD!"  
  
"WELL."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!" shouted Becky before Legolas could comment.  
  
"Yes mam." said Pippen and Legolas. 


	10. Becky's Hanky

"MERRY CHRISTMAS KIMI!" said Becky as she presented the several large boxes to Kimi.  
  
Kimi opened all of the boxes excitedly to find everything that she wanted. All the actors blinked and rubbed their eyes having not seen light in many months. Legolas loaded his bow but Becky took it away.  
  
"Don't let him have this around Pippen. They had a fight. The little dears."  
  
"Man. I feel bad now. Here." Kimi handed Becky a tiny box containing a handkerchief. Becky gasps as her eyes watered. It was her dream gift. Being so excited to have received it, she knew her nose in it and huggled Kimi. Becky took off to tell everyone what she got for Christmas.  
  
"What a strange child." said Shane.  
  
"She's my buddy!" said Kimi as she huggled her Pippen happily. 


	11. And there was much rejoicing

".And so Kimi got what she wanted, Becky got what she wanted, and the actors were locked in a closet in the Slytherin Common Room with Kimi, and there was much rejoicing."  
  
"Yay." said the children dully.  
  
"The mechanics of this story eluuuuuuuuuude me!" said one child in the front. The librarian, not amused, picked the child up by the head and shoved him on a shelf.  
  
"Anyway, the moral of this story is to steal your parents money and give it to your librarian! THE END! NOW BE GONE!" And so the children left, and there was much rejoicing. Yay. 


End file.
